Don't get all Silicon-speak on me - I only like you because you're a straight tech talker
Ok, active daily users are hacked off with Snapchat and loads left the site between April and June, Snap announced this week. (Shares fell more than 6%)
Why the downturn? My 13 year old is hooked on his streaks (or would be if he hadn't left his phone on the plane *wails*)
You know how sometimes your fave supermarket suddenly changes its layout? Annoying. Snap (new name) did that to the app lastNovember. It separated Stories (pics and videos that last just 24 hours) posted by friends from those posted by celebrities. Users hated it because teens like to think Kylie Jenner is their bestie, obvs.
What did that guy who runs it say? Evan....
Evan Speigel, aged a mere 28. Being a millennial, he said he was "excited" and "optimistic" about the future.
Jeez, what's wrong with him! Anyway, isn't the real problem Facebook?
Yep. They nick all Snap's good ideas. Stories, augmented reality and vertical video are features they had first and Instagram, owned by Facebook, shamelesslycopied.
They haven't copied Snapchat's streaks yet
That's because a streak - which counts how many days two friends have continuously been sending snaps to each other (inane, I know) is totally addictive to kids and increasingly a "social pressure" turn-off.
Thank God. What else?
This week plastic surgeons reported a new phenomenon "Snapchat dysmorphia", whereby deluded patients ask to go under the knife to look more like their Snapchat-filtered selfie.
Not as yet - just fuller lips, bigger eyes, a thinner nose. Usual unattainable stuff.
Any good Snapchat news for poor ol' Evan, worth $4bn?
HRH Saudi billionaire Prince Alwaleed Bin Talal just announced he's bought $250m (£194m) worth of shares. The prince said: "We are blessed to be part of it."
He did not say 'blessed'!
Did - I never misquote. At least it wasn't #blessed. The press release included this nighttime pictureof Spiegel in a suit and tie taking a selfie with a falcon sitting next to HRH in open-toed sandals and sunglasses. You can not make this stuff up.
PS: You have to watch Spiegel haplessly explaining how Snapchat works to parents in the fuzziest, most badly lit videoyou'll ever watch. Hilare.