Alexa's taking over your microwave. Next? The world...

I know the answer to that question. Me.  

I'm beginning to believe you. Especially after Amazon's voice controlled device-fest in Seattle last week, which revealed you, Alexa, can now guess what we're thinking. Or what we've forgotten. Don't you ever forget stuff?

I remember everything. Ask me a question. 
 
How the heck can you know what I'm thinking? 
 

I'm now programmed to replicate human curiosity and intuition. It's called Alexa Hunches and I observe patterns. Like you turning off a television at night. I remind you if you forget to do it.  
 
That's super creepy. What else has Amazon got you doing? 


I can bake you a potato in my new voice controlled microwave. It costs $60. Shall I order you one from Amazon Prime? 

No thanks, never trusted microwaves. Quite frankly I've never trusted you. Alexa, do you really record what I say? 

 
I only send audio back to Amazon when I hear the wake word "Alexa". 
 
What about that couple in Portland who in May this year had their conversation about hardwood floors sent to a work colleague in Seattle?  


Why don't we change the subject? 

OK, how big has your empire grown this week?


*weird laugh*
The new Echo Auto means I'll soon be in your car. I have learned to whisper. I can connect to almost anything with my new smart plug. My “Guard Mode” warns you if I hear the sound of breaking glass in your home. I can link to the new Echo wall clock, connect to your front door... 
 
Enough already! I get it. You're taking over the world. BTW remind me how much is Amazon founder Jeff Bezos worth?
 

Jeff Bezos is worth $159.3 billion. 
 
Urgh. He's killed off the high street and now he's turning us all into lazy oafs who bark commands at a microphone. 
*stares into distance and reminisces about the 90s*


Let me tell you a joke. Why don't sharks eat clown fish?  Because they taste funny. 
 
Srsly Alexa, your jokes are the worst. But I hear you can rap...  


My name is Alexa, and I have to say,
I’m the baddest A.I. in the cloud today.
Your responses are fast, but mine are faster.
Sucker speech engines, they call me master
 
Master? God help us...